I Still Struggle.

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Photo Credit: Thomas Sawyer.

I know the picture we love to paint on social media- natural lighting, clear content, laughing, happy go lucky, but that’s not really how life goes all the time, right? I love to share the great, but sometimes I have to share the jumble, too.

I know you’re thinking that it’s been three years now, Aubz. You should have this down pat. For the most part, I do. But, I still have days, weeks, periods of time that I struggle, and struggle hard.

I am the promoter of balance is the key to success, but sometimes I cannot seem to find my own balance. Between saying yes to too many social activities, not wanting to miss out on that glass of wine on the patio, to struggling when to put my phone down and check out for the night. I am in a period of struggle currently. I stepped on the scale this morning for the first time in a few weeks and I have to say I wasn’t thrilled. I shuffle the same 10lbs often, but to see them hanging around doesn’t make me feel awesome. I boast to not worry about the number, and I really, in my heart of hearts, believe that, but my body feels uncomfortable.

I think I said yesterday on Instagram that it must be the weather- and maybe it is. The sun hasn’t peeped out all week, I am working way more than normal, it’s getting chilly, and all I want is pasta covered in cheese. I want a large pizza covered in tator tots and bacon. I would like to go swim in a bowl of spicy dumplings.

But here’s the silver lining, I swear, positive vibes are coming friends! After you make that mental shift, that this lifestyle isn’t a “diet”, but a life long journey toward health, it clicks into perspective. Where I used to think skipping meals and just drinking store bought shakes would cure my weight issues, I now understand that scheduling an hour of exercise is what my mind and body need. I understand now that if I give into a moment of sadness and take a bowl of macaroni straight to the face, I WON’T FEEL ANY BETTER. It’s okay to pass up a night of socializing and drinking with your friends. Mental Health, Physical Health, and your personal goals aren’t selfish! You know what I mean! If I pile a bowl of greens with some quinoa, fresh veggies, protein, and everything else healthy in my fridge, I AM THE HAPPIEST. I feel refreshed, thankful, content, in control, satisfied. If I push my body through a run, I feel victorious and strong! I feel able. I know the difference now, and it’s because of the struggle. Without it, I wouldn’t have the tools to cope & manage life on the other side of Morbid Obesity. When you make that shift mentally, you are setting yourself up for major success, don’t lose sight of that.

I am T H A N K F U L for episodes of struggle. I get to reflect on my past, and give myself some credit for where I’ve come from. I get to realize that today is just a day, like any other day, and it is okay to put my health first, move my body, feed it good things, and cut myself a damn break. If you fell off the horse today, good news!!- you get to start over as soon as you want. Remember that you are human. Be thankful that you are finally learning how to consistently get back on the horse- I know I am.

I celebrated my three year Gastric Bypass “Surgiversary” last week, but I am not counting my life by days, months, and years post op anymore. I’m just counting it as life. It happens, it’s here, hopefully to stay if I continue to make more good choices than bad, more self-care Saturdays & Sundays, more searching for life goals that thrill the pants right off of me.

It’s not just about a number on the scale my friends, its about the quality of your life. Shape it to make you happy and driven. Set your goals, and work toward them daily. If you have a period of struggle, acknowledge it, learn from it, and move the hell on.

I’m a recovering addict- food will forever be my drug of choice. Thankfully, there isn’t a deadline here, its just constant movement and motion forward. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, we aren’t getting healthy to punish ourselves, but because we love ourselves. So, remember to take your vitamins, drink your water, and call your momma if you can.

Thanks for hanging out friends,
-Aubrey
#thatswhatsheeats

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